nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
