Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
