how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
