The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
