i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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