a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
