Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
