it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize