This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
