I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
