Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
