that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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