ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
