Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
