I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
