YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
