but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
