once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
