i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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