you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
