i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
