grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
