That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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