Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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