just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've blown a few things in my day
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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