I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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