I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well you can't waste a boner
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
