i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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