the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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