I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
