I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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