Where is the hickey?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this just has baby written all over it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
