He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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