OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
