You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this just has baby written all over it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
