My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
40s are totally the cure
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
