So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
