he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
