I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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