I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
