This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
