yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
