Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
