I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
