if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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