I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
