I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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