You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
