Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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