If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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