One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
