Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
