I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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