youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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