Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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