her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
