Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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