I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
