i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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