this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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