remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
