My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
