i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
