i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
