we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
