your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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