I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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