kristin has been a bad kristin
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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