Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
