According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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