Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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