if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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