I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sarcasm needs its own font
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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