Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
