Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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