your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
