my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
