yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
