shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
