I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize