Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
