Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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