Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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