white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize