He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
