Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
