I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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