thus making me awesome and them whores
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
