So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
