so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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