I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This house was built for laser tag.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
