I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
try to milk me bitch
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