Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
