Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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