So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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