I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
