You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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