Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
