I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up under a house in Key West
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