hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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