Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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