I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
