When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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