ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
