Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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