I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
