Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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