i can't believe i had my finger in that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
