I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
