I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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