so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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