I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
