is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
