I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
