just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
