I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
