I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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