Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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